yup, it's really me!

it's a good day - the first good day in a couple of weeks - so let's catch up!

as you can see, i'm still here. YAY! it's been a long road. part of me feels like it's been a month, part of me feels like it happened yesterday. in the last 5 days, though, i can honestly say that i am feeling a bit better every day and for that i am extremely grateful!!! i honestly had no idea what to expect. i'm uncomfortable quite a bit of the time but i suppose that is to expected. :) but the follow up appts have been positive, which is always a good thing. my very first surgery involved tubes/drains and my joke with ed every day would be a "tube count". that's where we are now. we (ok, I) started with 4, now i'm down to 1 which will hopefully be gone at the next appt next week. it's these little countdowns that keep the humor alive.

i'm sorry that we have not posted anything since the surgery. honestly it's been a bit of a time. but i wanted to share with you some of the blessings i've received starting the day of surgery.

the day started early and i was blessed by different people all day long. i had to meet one of the surgeons at 830am for a quick appt but then had a little bit of time before i had to "check in" for the testing and surgery. in between the time ed, my mom and dad and i went to rembrandts, a coffee shop not far from the hospital, to enjoy some coffee, treats and fresh air. i joked they were able to enjoy the coffee and treats while i enjoyed the fresh air. it was a nice break before a long day.

we went back to the hospital to "check in" for the lymphatic scan. the nurse that took me back was so kind - she had very kind eyes and was very gentle. my surgeon had warned me that the injection of the dye for the scan was not fun, in fact a bit painful. she said the same thing. and they were right - it wasn't the most comfortable, but she was kind and sweet and that was a blessing. some can come across as "just doing their job", a bit cold - i suppose that can be said for any job - but her eyes showed that she really cared and that made the difference to me that morning.

after the injection we had to wait an hour before they could do the scan. it happened that a sweet friend from aud's school (her son is in aud's class) works at the same hospital and was working that day. she came down and visited with us for a bit. a blessing to see a familiar face!

after the scan we went on to the surgery waiting area. at this point my sister was there with us. our team was growing. :) i didn't have to wait very long before they took me back to the pre-op area. one of my uncles (uncle Mark) brought lunch for everyone waiting. a blessing for my family to be taken care of.

while i was being prepped and speaking with the nurse i saw a familiar face walk by. it turns out a guy i graduated high school with was an anesthesiologist there. i haven't seen him in 20 years but it was so fun to see him. a blessing to see a familiar face.

while i was back there more people joined the team. before i went back into surgery i know of at least 12ppl in the waiting area. waiting for me. praying for me. supporting me. wow!!

we found out the day before that one of my cousins, brooke, was working that night. she works 2nts a month on the oncology floor, where i would go after surgery. the day of surgery we were fairly sure she would be my nurse that night. i cannot begin to tell you what an absolute blessing that was!!! brooke is a sweet cousin and a precious friend. we have been through a bit together and she has been very special to me for a long time. the fact that she was going to be our nurse that night was above and beyond for me and ed. she was professional yet grace was flowing from her as she cared for me, her older cousin, that night. and it was such a comfort to ed. a blessing to be cared for by family.

honestly, post-op through the following day is a bit hazy. i know there were visitors and i remember them, may not be able to accurately recount the conversations (although a friend wanted to give me a hug after seeing me and i suggested a chest bump - how is that for a warped sense of humor! :)).

we were able to go home the next night and seeing aud was a highlight for both of us!!! for ALL of us!!

i have been blessed with cards and visits and flowers and goodies - through ALL of this the Lord has shown His provision and His love for me time and time again. you have all been vessels of this and i cannot thank you enough. everything happened so fast - the mammogram on feb 1 then a new test or detail revealed every week since leading up to the surgery - it seems i really did not process what was happening. what was really happening. needless to say after the surgery i've had time to heal physically and start accepting and understanding emotionally and mentally. through all of the healing the gifts of kindness and thoughtfulness have meant more than you will ever know.

a friend asked me a couple of weeks ago if it was easier for me to say i had a double mastectomy rather than saying i had breast cancer. honestly it is. the mastectomy is just a procedure, the other puts you into a different category. and even though i am 99% cured after this surgery (according to the doctors) it still introduces a word that no one likes to hear. and although i don't want to live in fear - and i have to pray for the Lords help in trusting He STILL has everything under control - it's hard not to wonder sometimes what is around the next corner. i think that stems from this process, though, and how quickly everything kept changing. something so small on the mammogram that ended up being something so big. BUT, in the same breath i look at that, i look at our situation 6yrs ago, and you cannot help but see how the Lord walked before us in ALL of this!!! I AM BLESSED!! two things that could have been much worse but were found so early. the operations that came about because of them were not so easy, granted, but the first one was caught before it was cancer and the second was caught early so it was non-invasive. neither one required follow-up treatments. I AM BLESSED!!

it's been a difficult few weeks but i am so grateful every day!! every day the pain is a little better and i'm learning to deal with the discomfort. i cry when i need to and i try to laugh a lot, too. my Father gives me glimpses of His love every single day in so many ways - through a meal that is brought, through a bright sunny day, through an unexpected visit, through a sweet card, through a little girl with curly blond hair and bright blue eyes just running over to say "i love you mommy". that's the one that just melts my heart. all of these things and i know I AM BLESSED!!! beyond words i am blessed!!

(now, i want to share pics but ed has to show me how to get them from my phone to the computer SO we will try to get some pics on here tonight or tomorrow. sorry!)

thank you for your continued love and encouragement and prayers - we feel surrounded by our army of support!!!