i've been reading this book called "because i love her" - it's a compilation of 34 women writers reflecting on the mother-daughter bond. saw it on a blog i keep up with and decided it might be worth reading through. it definitely has been interesting and challenging, reading about how the different mother/daughter relationships have affected these women, and thinking back to my own relationship with my mom. i am truly blessed to be able to call my mom my friend.
i was reading through one story and this paragraph caught me:
i want to teach my daughter that she is worth spending time with, whether it's sitting together in the living room playing boggle or traveling the world, so that she doesn't ever feel desperate for attention and validation. i want to teach her that self-respect is more valuable than any friend or any boy, and that she'll survive standing alone if respecting herself means saying no at the risk of losing jerks who would pretend to be her friends. i want her to take responsibility for her actions and for her happiness, and to never hold anyone else accountable for her choices, since doing so would make her a victim like i used to be. but i also want to teach her to forgive herself when she screws up, which she will. and then i will work to forgive myself, because i very well may feel that her mistakes are my fault. i want her to question the monsters in her head, but to know that it's okay to hide out for a little while when life feels overwhelming, but hopefully not on the floor of a darkened closet.
i am about to enter brand new territory and it scares the crap out of me, it excites me, makes me so nervous i can hardly see straight, brings tears to my eyes, humbles me, thrills me, exhausts me. all i can do is trust that the Lord knew what He was doing when He chose to entrust me with this precious gift and rely on HIS strength and wisdom and guidance as we do life together. i WILL mess up - time and time again i will mess up! - and this will be yet another life lesson in grace. grace......a large word to wrap my brain around. i pray she has grace towards me as i stumble through this thing called parenthood.
all of this is so intimidating and yet i cannot WAIT to meet this little girl!!! she will be here so soon! we're on the countdown!